Coming out
The last step in the process is complete! This post represents the day when I came out to my father. He was the last person who I desperately needed to tell that I am gay. Some of you I haven’t told. Please don’t be offended, I only told people when the timing seemed right and when I could cause the least offense. Now that all my parents and my immediate family know, there is no one in the world I care to hide this information from.
I sent him an email, and I sent it from the US. I did this because I was afraid of his reaction and afraid of possible rejection and/or losing his love. I am grateful, surprised and overjoyed that my father replied back almost immediately to tell me that he loves me no matter what. Sure we will probably have our disagreements, but he hasn’t disowned me, he hasn’t demanded I do anything. He’s probably going to have to take some time to digest this information and do his best to understand. I am just grateful that he is willing to try.
I may post some things that relate to my sexuality here. When I do so, I will often tag them as “gay” and emails won’t be sent out so as not to offend anyone.
The image on the right is of the back of my car. Yes, that is the bumper sticker that I drive around with in the middle of Texas. No, I am not mad. Believe it or not, the most common reaction I get is people laughing or chuckling softly to themselves as they drive behind me. One gay couple stopped next to me on the road to tell me they loved my bumper sticker. I do too.
September 6th, 2006 at 6:24 pm
Know what Stephen always had an inkling you were gay….so what…doesn’t change how I feel about you & never will. You are a great nephew & fellow human being & I am proud to be your aunt…am also not one bit surprised at your dad’s response he’s a bit crazy at times (sorry Michael) but I know nothing will stop him loving you. I admire you for having the courage to “come out”. Now go & get on with your life..that’s an order!!!!!!!
September 6th, 2006 at 6:26 pm
*sob* you have no idea how much that means to me.
September 6th, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Well done Steve,
Mom and I are both so proud of you,we know how hard this has been for you.
Someone once said “and the truth shall set you free”
I’m sure that getting this out in the open will set you free! There is no one more deserving than you, and we both know that you will now soar.
All our Love
Arth and Mom
September 7th, 2006 at 12:45 am
Isn’t it such a liberating feeling?
Especially to know that now you can tell anyone.
Especially since you know that your family doesn’t reject you for who you are, screw anyone else that doesn’t like it. >:)
September 7th, 2006 at 1:27 am
*grins* that was Jesus. He may not have meant it particularly in this way but His words are still manage to be a comfort anyway
September 7th, 2006 at 1:30 am
As I was saying to someone else, I suddenly feel like a whole person. For a while I went through a phase where I felt “broken”. Now I am whole.
As far as I am concerned, if my family still loves me, then I can take on the world… and I will.
September 7th, 2006 at 9:03 am
its a story repeated over and over again. The “fear” involved in telling the loved one whose love you so much depend on. The delay…the delay … what if… what if
And then unconditioal loves wins the day.
The guide for gays, from your experience, is to have courage and trust more
bob
September 7th, 2006 at 11:57 am
What a shock to my system but for some reason not very surprize. I always had a feeling there is something “kinky” about you for quiet a few years. The last few months I just keep getting the feeling there is something you don’t tell us but I never could put my finger on what it really was.
It will took me a while to get over this and for this to sink. I think I’m still in shock. I’m lost for words, you blown me away like you never done before! I never thought this will ever happens to someone I know.
I’m sitting with tears in my eyes and don’t know what else to say.
September 7th, 2006 at 2:04 pm
Thank you, Cornelia. I knew this would be very difficult for you in particular. I amm only a little “kinky” I assure you
I am content in my relationship with God, I feel as though I know Him better now that I have accepted myself as gay.
Partly because now I can’t claim to be a “good person” by society’s standards. I am only acceptable to Him by His grace alone, the same as everyone else.
September 7th, 2006 at 2:07 pm
I really appretiate you commenting on my blog, Bob. You have been a great personal source of guidance and strength for me, simply by being who you are. All of you at ACC are very special to me.
I am hoping to make some resources available on my blog which will help people come to terms with their sexuality and spirituality (if any). I remember searching frantically for a “gay test” but ended up with just a bunch of jokes.
September 7th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
Sadly, it doesn’t win through for every gay person coming out.
September 7th, 2006 at 5:23 pm
I never leave comments on blogs, but…
Wow - well done. I’m so glad you’ve finally done it, it must have taken such a weight off your shoulders.
Now get out there and get the life you want, no doubt you’ll sleep well tonight.
September 7th, 2006 at 11:15 pm
I didn’t wanted you to know it was me in particular that’s why I left no name or email. (How did you know it was me)???
Steve, all what I will and can do for you, is to pray.
I keep on just thinking about it and try to except it but this is “one tough cookie” to swallow and to digest for me.(It will take a quiet a while for me to get over this or allow it to sink in and to except).
I was quiet shock to read the reaction you got from your mom, Aurther and Scott. Does Susan and David know and how did they took it up???
Take care.
September 8th, 2006 at 1:11 am
I knew it was you by your reaction and the way that you type
Susan already had a strong feeling that my “love interest” was a guy. She accepted without a problem. David surprised me by saying: “sexuality is only a small part of a person. Stephen is still Stephen.” I have been very fortunate.
I don’t expect to be accepted by everyone and I am comfortable with that. I have finally learnt to love myself for myself.
September 8th, 2006 at 1:13 am
Awwww.. *hugs*
September 8th, 2006 at 1:26 am
Thanks, Cecile. I know you read and I know you care, without you needing to comment
And yes, I have been sleeping very well. ^^
September 8th, 2006 at 5:09 am
“You are to clever for me”! I really thought I will try to change the way I typed but it didn’t work! Oh dear!
It looks like you have learned somethings about your old stepmom I didn’t knew you have learned.
Steve, remember no matter what “I still loves you” and still accept you as my own. Jesus loves you too but hates the sins we do.
Talk to you soon.
September 8th, 2006 at 7:13 am
I always leave a message….
Just left it for a bit longer and Wow…. so many messages.
Well done!
We told a few people… they are all supporting you. We all love you no matter what, eh.
September 8th, 2006 at 12:40 pm
Love is a bit strong eh. Sort of like.
September 8th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Awww, come on, give us a kiss. You know you want to!
September 9th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
“I never thought this will ever happens to someone I know.”
Just for the the record, I’d like to say being gay doesn’t magically happen over night. It’s just part of who you are. Sort of like how you can’t change/don’t get to decide what race you are.
September 10th, 2006 at 3:46 pm
What a crock of Rubbish. Someone has to say this because it seems everyone else is too scared to cause offense. I’ve never been terribly worried about causing offense.
Firstly, I’d like to comment on the Biblical aspect of homosexuality. God does not accept homosexuality in any way. In fact He goes so far as to say it is an abomination. Yes. Don’t even dream for a second that God is happy with this. He loves you more than you will ever know, but at the same time He hates sin, and can’t bring sin anywhere near.
Sodom and Gomorrah were both destroyed because of God’s intolerance of Sodomy (hence the name).
Some scriptures from Leviticus:
“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” – Leviticus 18:22
“If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them hath committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” – Leviticus 20:13
Now obviously we’re not living in Old Testament times, but under a period of grace. However, living in sin as opposed to sinning once, and then turning away are very different. You will be judged for your sins (and if you don’t even think you’re sinning, then I doubt you’ve got any grace coverage - especially if you get told it’s sin and just continue what you’re doing).
Many homosexual’s argue that they were made that way. RUBBISH !
What about paedophiles? Were they made that way? Hardly.
We are taught as Christians to bind any unrighteous thoughts, as they are from the Devil. However, many do not even know about this, and so they think these thoughts are from themselves, and so they start to play with these thoughts, because sure, they may be exciting. But this is just lust. The Devil feeds you these thoughts, and as you play with them, you begin to accept them, and then he feeds you more, and more sinful. What may start out as a seemingly almost innocent thought, with a few years and lots of “thinking about” can make people lust after members of the opposite sex or children.
So George you’re saying a homosexual is the same as a paedophile? Damn straight. With just a little bit of an age difference on the person you’re lusting after. You know what though, I also believe its wrong to lust after people of the opposite sex, no matter how hard that is, and every day I have unclean thoughts which I have to bind. Change what I’m thinking about, and then go on. Once you start toying with these thoughts, it leads to all sorts of no good.
Sin is from the Devil. He trick’s us into doing them through all sorts of lies and deception. Then he even tricks you into thinking its all right. And he tricks half the world into believing it, so that when someone comes along who he can manipulate, he has a whole support group for his intended victim to fill his head with lies and make him believe them. And eventually the Devil doesn’t have to lie to you any more, because you start to like the lie, and then begin lying to yourself.
Now on a personal note. This is a very sad day. I feel like I’ve just heard that you’re dead. And I feel a bit ashamed as well. For your sake, I pray you reconsider these feelings you’ve been having; the type of thoughts and how you got to this conclusion. Don’t believe all the rubbish you’ve been fed by the Devil through the media, unsaved and other well intentioned pawns. And yeah, it makes me feel ill to think that you still think God’s okay with this.
On that note, I will only be able to maintain minimal communication from now on, and I won’t be able to pretend like theres nothing wrong. If you want to speak about this, thats fine, but God does not change His mind.
Please remove my website from your links, as I do not wish to be associated with this site any longer.
Regards
George
September 10th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
*nods*
I understand, George, and I expected this.
I am glad that you are able to stand by your convictions even if it means hurting a friend, it must have been hard for you. Thank you for having the courage to say what you feel.
For the record I have never had sex with another man. Many gay people are celebate. I admit though that I won’t be able to keep that up forever.
To my other friends: please don’t respond negatively to George, in fact, please don’t respond at all. I don’t want a fight on my blog. George is a good friend and only doing what he thinks is best. I want to leave this comment here as a constant reminder to me.
September 10th, 2006 at 4:20 pm
You know, it’s always sad when people basically reject , hurt and disown their friends because of their own religious convictions are contrary to who their friend is.
That’s all i’m going to say, rather than bothering to reply to your silly points.
September 12th, 2006 at 1:13 am
Hi Steve,
I have answered you privately, as I would prefer to keep this, but as you want everything “in the open,” for the record, so there is no misunderstanding on anyone’s part, I Must Agree with what George Jnr says in his post.
The God I know and Love, says that Homosexuality is an Abomination.
It’s a mountain you can’t sweep under a rug, an Elephant in the Kitchen you can’t walk around.
Amazing and unbelievable as it may seem, it is in the mind/thought realm where the battle is fought, won and/or lost. It IS as simple as that.
Love
Dad
September 12th, 2006 at 1:30 am
Thanks for your honesty in this Dad.
You know, the Bible uses the same wording to condemn the eating of shellfish, pork, or of women wearing men’s clothing.
September 12th, 2006 at 8:22 am
Different folks, different God(s).
September 13th, 2006 at 5:16 am
Hello Stephen,
know that our triune God embraces you as you claim who God made you to be and that God’s angels sing with you as you celebrate your true identity.
God does not make mistakes and you are created the way you are. Praise God! To George Tyler (Jnr) I want to say that it pains me to see you hurt so much, so much so that you strike out and hurt in return. And all in the name of God, who loves you and has a plan for you as he loves Stephen who at least is starting to claim God’s plan for him. I am sorry that you feel you have to do this. And I am sorry that you can’t see your interpretation of scripture for what it is. YOUR interpretation of scripture. And that interpretation is as flawed or as right as anybody else’s. Do not call anything unclean that God has made clean. And God has called Stephen clean. For that I thank God.
Markus
September 13th, 2006 at 5:27 am
George,
It is really sad when someone spews so much hate about a subject of which they know nothing.
Stephen,
I am so happy that you had the courage to come out to your father. It’s painful that he doesn’t accept who you are, but perhaps with time this will change.
I know beyond doubt that God loves you the way you are. You are a precious child of God. God has great plans for you life and people to reach because of your unique position as a child of God who has been marginalized, hated and reviled for being who God made you to be. You have an understanding of the ways of God that most people do not ever experience.
Blessings to you my friend.
Jay
September 13th, 2006 at 7:39 am
I’m glad none of my immediate family is religious.
My family have pretty much accepted me coming out without spouting BS like this or disowning me.
September 13th, 2006 at 5:29 pm
Congratulations! I know coming out is difficult, but it takes tremendous courage to be authentic in the face of prejudice. Although your dad may not understand or agree today, at least he has affirmed his love for you even so, in the true spirit of Christ. It’s unfortunate that your friend has made the choice to sever your friendship, but as time goes on I pray he at least learns how to “agree to disagree.” Life is much too short to lose out on meaningful friendships because of a rigid need to be right.
God bless you bro.
September 13th, 2006 at 9:33 pm
Coming out gets easier the more people you come out to. I hardly even care any more, myself.
Although there is the odd thing or two i’m wary about telling people.
September 17th, 2006 at 9:30 am
If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a tinkling symbol.
And if I have prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains,but have not love, I am nothing.
And if I dole out all my goods, and if I deliver my body that I may boast but have not love, nothing I am profited.
Love is long suffering, love is kind, it is not jealous, love does not boast, it is not inflated. It is not discourteous, it is not selfish, it is not irritable, it does not enumerate the evil. It does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices in the truth.
It covers all things, it has faith for all things, it hopes in all things, it endures in all things.
Love never falls in ruins;but whether prophecies, they will be abolished; or tongues, they will cease; or knowledge, it will be superseded.
For we know in part and we prophecy in part.
But when the perfect comes, the imperfect will be superseded.
When I was an infant, I spoke as an infant, I reckoned as an infant; when I became [an adult],I abolished the things of the infant.
For now we see through a mirror in an enigma, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know as also I was fully known.
But now remains faith, hope, love,these three;but the greatest of these is love.
Anyone who knows Stephen, knows that he is motivated by love. He’s not perfect but I’d put him up against most people and he’d come out ahead.
September 18th, 2006 at 10:43 pm
September 19th, 2006 at 4:19 am
Thanks, Andrew. That said, from a Christian perspective, being a “good person” is not sufficient since we have all “fallen short”.
We Christians believe that righteousness is imparted only by faith, and that through our faith the Holy Spirit will then prompt us to “do good things”. At least, that’s my current understanding of the complicated arguments.
After all, Abraham’s faith was counted as righteousness to him, yet (in our modern terms) his behaviour would have made him a rather nasty person.
Because of this “righteous by faith” argument, my anti-gay Christian friends have to argue that because I am gay and (worse) I think that’s ok, I can’t have faith and can’t be a real Christian. I guess that hurts the most.
I have lots of theological arguments to elaborate on, maybe later
September 19th, 2006 at 12:34 pm
What does being gay and ok with yourself have anything to do with your faith in god?
Ohwait, obviously their faiths are different from yours.